There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
