So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
