just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I want is dick and wine.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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