apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize