I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
PANTIES FOUND
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