Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
