i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
