You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
