Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
