you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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