I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
