No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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