I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
