omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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