So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
