dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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