he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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