i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
