Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
