hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
