You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
