I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
