he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
