What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
