I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He shit in the fireplace
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
