We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
