I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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