That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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