Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
