the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
