I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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