it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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