You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
