Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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