Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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