you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
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everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Boobs are out for the taking
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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