standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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