You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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