Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
