I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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