i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
