i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
