I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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