I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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