omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
