His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
