the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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