All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize