Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
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