So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
