If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
this hospital has no fireball
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
