Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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