im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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