Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
