I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
