Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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