the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
