if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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