Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize