i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
