Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
