I heard we made out
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
