fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
