if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
