Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
