I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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