the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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