cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
