Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
