So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
