i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
