i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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