hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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