The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
