i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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