I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
